About needs
In the Romanian language, the word “need” most often has a negative connotation. We often use this word in everyday language when we “go to defecate”, denoting a dirty, repulsive activity or when we have to take care of something, “out of necessity”, so we are obliged or when we help “to need” and again we refer to a negative situation.
Perhaps this language barrier has prevented us until now from making more friends with the word and concept of “need”, which in the psychological reality of all people is essential. English speakers are much more familiar with their word, “need”, which we almost adopted in Romanian to refer to something we need, the fulfillment of which is important for our physical and mental well-being.
When we talk about a need, we talk about a state of deficit, a lack that motivates the human being to move, to act. The level of needs is the first level in the deep structure of the human psyche, above which action, emotion, and thinking are added. Let’s take the example of a baby whose need for deep connection with another human being is not satisfied when he is put to sleep alone. Having this unsatisfied need, he will act (cry), if the need continues to be unsatisfied he will have one or more emotions (fear, frustration, anger), and after the painful repetition of this experience a cognition will appear (ex- “No one helps you in this world, you have to manage yourself.”).
What is essential to understand is that behind any human action there is a need or more. When we go out with friends, our needs for acceptance, appreciation, and connection are usually fulfilled. When we spend a quiet evening at home with our partner, we probably fulfill our needs for rest, safety and support. When we go to work, many of us are looking to fulfill our needs for financial security, recognition and social connection. Even when we help someone and imagine that we are acting to fulfill the other person’s needs, we are also seeking to fulfill our own needs for recognition, appreciation or closeness.
Considering that the human being has several dimensions (body, mind, emotions, spirit), the human needs can be classified in these categories. The needs of the body, often called physiological needs, refer to the basic needs, essential for physical survival, namely the need for air, water, food, sleep, movement, sex, etc. Cognitive needs refer to the needs of our mind, the need to understand the world, the universe, the human being and other phenomena. Emotional needs most often refer to the need to feel safe, the need to be in a community, society, to be recognized, the need for success, approval, the need for deep connection with other human beings, the need to be exposed to variety and adventure. Spiritual needs refer to the need to understand the meaning of existence, to contribute, to connect with the sacred, to perceive and experience the divine.
In the process of healing, growth and personal development, self-knowledge and love, it is vital to understand what is the purpose of our actions, what are the needs from which we act. When we go to the bar and drink too much in the evening, what needs are we looking to fulfill? The need for connection and belonging, acceptance, love? How can we respond to these needs without resorting to destructive behavior? By understanding the real need behind a negative behavior, we can adjust or change it with a positive behavior that responds to the same needs.
Elaborating his own theory about human psychological needs, Tony Robbins postulates that, as adults, we each have a more important psychological need, as the need that was least satisfied in childhood. What was the need that was most seriously violated in your childhood? Did you have a childhood full of lack and financial insecurity, in which you often lived with the feeling of insecurity and instability? Then in adult life you will seek to compensate, in excess, your need for security and financial stability, devoting a lot of time and effort to producing and saving financial resources, often at the expense of meeting other needs.Self-knowledge is a complex process that includes, among other things, the understanding of the needs from which we act. The term “need” does not refer to something negative, which should be ignored and put under the rug, our needs are the real engine of our actions and to understand our actions it is necessary to identify the need/needs behind them. The time has come to get to know and befriend our own needs, because our true reality is the reality of our needs.