Adolescence is the transition period from childhood to adulthood. This stage begins around the ages of 11–12 and ends around 21, starting earlier in girls than in boys. Adolescence has three stages:
• Early adolescence (ages 11–13 in girls, 12–14 in boys) – characterized mainly by physiological and anatomical changes, as well as by the increasing importance of peer relationships.
• Middle adolescence (ages 13–16 in girls, 14–17 in boys) – focused on discovering one’s identity and developing one’s personality. Interest in sexuality begins.
• Late adolescence (ages 16–21) – the stage of major decisions, when young people begin to choose their career paths and romantic relationships become central.
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What are the specific needs of this age?
The need for privacy
This becomes evident with the onset of puberty and early adolescence. The body undergoes major changes: girls develop breasts, grow taller, develop body hair, and begin menstruating. Boys’ genital organs increase in size, their voices deepen, their shoulders broaden, facial and pubic hair appear, and they experience nocturnal emissions.
Adolescents become highly aware of their bodies and no longer accept being seen naked or helped by parents or caregivers. The need for privacy becomes very strong—completely opposite to the openness of early childhood.
Adolescents want their own rooms or personal spaces, which they arrange according to their preferences. They close their doors and expect that space to be respected.
Because melatonin is produced later at night in adolescent brains, their sleepiness sets in around midnight. This shifts their daily rhythm compared to that of the family and gives them 1–2 extra hours of independence each day.
Recommendations:
Respect your adolescent’s privacy. Knock before entering their room and accept a refusal when it comes. Don’t go through their things or their phone. Don’t interrogate them about their friends or activities. Instead, invite them to share, stay curious about their world, and be available to support them when needed.
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The need for autonomy and independence
A key task of adolescence is to separate from the parental home and create one’s own individuality and life path. Adolescents need time alone or with friends, to make their own informed choices about friends, clothing, hairstyle, leisure activities, purchases, and future careers.
Recommendations:
Allow your adolescent to make their own choices regarding their appearance as long as they respect social norms. Be open to discussing these topics. Let them choose their friends and activities, as long as they don’t break laws or moral rules. Discuss career options with them and let them make informed choices about their future.
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The need for novelty and progress
Adolescents challenge the status quo and are preoccupied with progress and evolution. They are drawn to innovation, especially technological, and aspire to reinvent the world or save humanity. Because of this, they may identify with alternative communities—sexual minorities, artistic, or musical circles.
Recommendations:
Talk openly with your adolescent about their aspirations to change the world. Don’t ridicule or criticize their dreams. Offer informed opinions when asked, and show them ways to test or apply their ideas.
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The need for identity — the need to “be someone”
Adolescents feel a strong drive to know themselves and to build a unique identity, distinct from parents or peers. They ask themselves: “Who am I? What are my talents? My weaknesses? How am I different from others, from my parents, siblings, classmates, or friends?”
They also aspire to be someone — in art, film, fashion, or any professional field.
If they fail to build an identity around constructive, socially accepted values, they may seek visibility through extravagant looks, risky or aggressive behaviour. They can become loud and provocative in an effort to be seen and matter.
Recommendations:
Support your adolescent’s self-discovery. Discuss what they enjoy, their opinions about life, and offer your informed perspective. Help them explore different possibilities and develop their own point of view. Encourage them to pursue meaningful activities.
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The need for self-esteem and recognition from others
Adolescents have a strong need for approval and respect, especially from their peer group. They adapt their clothing, preferences, and behaviours to fit in and be accepted. Parents remain an important source of self-esteem through encouragement, reassurance, and emotional support.
As with younger children, adolescents still need unconditional love and support from their parents. While they face judgment, conditions, and pressure among peers, at home they need safety — the certainty that their parents are there for them no matter what, even when they make mistakes.
Recommendations:
Offer unconditional love and support, even when your adolescent makes mistakes. Use words of encouragement and appreciation. Be there to listen and show compassion when they experience friendship or romantic difficulties.
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The need for boundaries
Alongside autonomy, adolescents still need limits. They need freedom within a safe frame:
“You can go to the party as long as you return by [time].”
“You can choose your own clothes as long as they’re decent.”
Such limits are essential because adolescents are not yet fully capable of self-management or mature decision-making.
The human brain continues developing until around age 25. Adolescents’ neocortex is not yet fully developed, meaning they cannot always assess risks or understand complex situations as adults do. Even if they appear mature in some contexts (cooking, attending activities alone), they still need adult support—especially for emotional regulation and judgment.
Recommendations:
Stay attentive and continue to set healthy boundaries. They may go to bed a bit later—but not too late. They may dress creatively—but not indecently.
The better we understand the specific needs of adolescents, the better we can relate to them and support them through this crucial stage of life.
Wishing you and your adolescent many fulfilled needs!